i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
