Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
