3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
