Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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