I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
