Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
