I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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