This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Still dying that you shit outside
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.