I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.