i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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