and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
