I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
