did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm sobbing to NWA
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
