you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My bed smells like the plague
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
