What did we do last night that was yellow?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
