Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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