Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
