My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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