did you get engaged???
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
