she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
