i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
