I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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