Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
