Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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