We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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