Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
