I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
