I cockslap morals
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
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She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.