I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single