So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.