There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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