i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
