I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
