I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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