even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
