this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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