This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
