saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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