I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
