I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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