My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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