I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
