An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
