i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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