i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
