sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
