I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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