Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
