I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
