he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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