the condom got lost in my hair
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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