In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
