At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
