yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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