they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
