Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
the raccoons are back...
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