shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
