I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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