i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
