ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
