it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
