Christians are straight up FREAKS
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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