Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
